19 Small Lies Every Girl Says On A Night Out
There are certain tiny lies that every girl says throughout her life:
'I am right outside.' 'Yes, this is my dress.' 'Ok, I'll delete it.' 'No, I didn't get with your brother.'
On a night out, white lies such as these seem to be at their most prevalent. But, why? Is it the extravagant cocktail prices? The frizz-inducing hurricane Ophelia? The distress of missing the latest episode of the new season of Stranger Things? Maybe it's the straight gin? Whatever the reason, sometimes a girl's outward display of social butterfly-ness is merely a cover for some hard-hitting truths.
1. 'I am so excited to go out' - I am so excited to get drunk food later
2. 'I am broke don't let me go too hard' - Don't let me die
3. 'Yay, girl's night! Fuck men!' - Yay, the cute guy on Badoo says he going to the same club later
4. 'It's totally fine you invited Janice' - Why the fuck did you invite Janice
5. 'Oh it's my round? Cool.' - Fuck
6. 'Shots! Woo!' - One more shot and I will vom
7. 'Ah, Jäger bombs! Fab!' - I am literally going to chuck mine behind my head and hope no-one notices
8. 'Do you need to pee?' - Come watch me pee and I will tell you how amazing you are and how much I love you and hate Janice
9. 'God, this music is so lame' - I fucking live for despacito
10. 'That guy's cute, should I ask for his number?' - I have found him and messaged him on Badoo, his name is Jeremy and he spent the summer in Cannes
11. 'I am just going to get a drink' - I am going to follow Jeremy to the bar
12. 'I just got with that guy' - I'm in love with Jeremy
13. 'I'm not even that drunk' - I am very, very drunk
14. 'No, seriously I'm fine' - I am going to die
15. 'No, I haven't texted my ex' - I left 4 voice notes telling him about Jeremy
16. 'I only social smoke' - I only social smoke, stress smoke and smoke when I'm drinking which happens to have been every night this week
17. 'I am just going for a smoke' - I am going home with Jeremy
18. 'I am going home' - I am going home to eat the leftover lasagne I have been thinking about since I left the house
19. 'God, it's so annoying how Janice is such a lightweight and we always have to put her to bed' - Fucking love Janice, yes I will take you home to where my lasagne lies waiting for me patiently like a bf would if I had one
But who needs a boyfriend when you can have nights out with your friends? Even though you pretty much go out just so you can justify a fuck-off hangover brunch in the morning, it's still a pretty damn good evening. Because for 2 hours you can dance like no-one is taking Insta stories and feel like the best single you ever. No lie.
So never, ever waste a night out on searching for a guy when you can do it all over the phone beforehand on Badoo 😉 Spend nights out as they should be; avoiding shots, dancing to Despacito and contemplating exactly what kind of drunk food you will be getting.
Stay fly and keep f-lying girls 😇