Dear Boy, This Is How To Turn Me On Online, Love Girl

Finding it hard to turn a gif into a girlfriend? Feel like you're the only one swiping right? Constantly getting 👻? It doesn't have to be this way. The girls at srsly have used their extensive swiping experience and fuckboy forensics to create the following extremely scientific and technical guidelines to guarantee* you absolutely smash dating apps. You're welcome 😉

*not actually guaranteed

 

1. Use a group shot as your main picture to add a touch of mystery to your profile.

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2. Only fill out your bio with the really important facts.

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3. Or use it to say things like 'No duck faces please' or 'If you're gonna say 'hey' don't bother' so they know you have high standards.

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4. Always start a conversation with one of the following failsafe first lines:

 

- We should remove all the chairs in this room, then you'd have to sit on my face.

- What would you rather have from me? A: a nice date restaurant and movie B: intelligent conversations C: multiple orgasms

- I'm going to Wholefoods, want me to pick something up? 

- Shit bitch you is fine

 

5. Or begin a chat with some variation of 'hey' because this is a sure-fire way to catch their attention and ensure a reply.

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6. And make sure to send the same heartfelt message to all of your crushes with ease by using the following hack: Ctrl+C+P

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7. Wait a few days to reply to make it really exciting when you eventually do.

 

8. Or reply almost instantly. This is equally exciting.

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9. Ask questions about things they have already mentioned in their own bio to show you are a busy busy businessman who is too busy to read it. 

 

10. Take your top off.

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11. Take your top off in front of a mirror.

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12. Take your top off in front of a mirror with half your face out of shot to add more of the aforementioned mystery.

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13. And make sure to have pictures of you with a girl/baby and then write in your bio 'Not my girlfriend'/'Not my baby'*

*see 'mystery'

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14. Ask them very specific questions. Girls love that. 

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15. Almost as much as they love knowing you once went on a booze cruise in Ibiza.

 

16. Or that you have a car.

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17. Or a fish. 

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18. And finally, to turn them on once and for all, pose with a friend's puppy in your profile pic because that is all girls want in life.

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19. Apart from an 'Entrepreneur'.

 

20. Who drinks Moet. 

 

If you've taken on board all our pointers then you're officially ready to try them out on Badoo.

Download it for free here

See you at the altar chicos 👰

xoxo