41 Things You Have Done While Your Friends Have Been Getting Engaged

Because the memes were fucking right, ok. 

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1. Finished an entire bottle of wine by yourself

2. Shared a selection of starters with yourself 

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3. Spent 5 hours on Reddit like it was a fucking novel 

4. Finished the entire first season of Stranger Things, alone

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5. In time to start the second season of Stranger Things, also alone

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6. Masturbated all day 

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7. Ordered deliveroo for every single meal over the course of 3 days

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8. Still not gotten round to painting your nails

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9. Read Harry Potter for the 15th time and still cried about Dobby

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10. Spent all day thinking about going to the gym later

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11. Bought an advent calendar for yourself 

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12. Eaten the whole of said advent Calendar in one night by yourself

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13. Made really bad decisions

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14. Spent hours identifying with various memes

15. Completed quizzes to find out which Disney Princess, Harry Potter and Stranger Things character you'd be

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16. Completed a quiz to find out what age you'd get married 

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17. And got an age that was less than your own 

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18. And cried about it

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19. Read an article about different dating terms and realised you were being ghosted, submarined, breadcrumbed and stashed all at the same time

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20. Wanked to videos of Obama giving speeches

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21. Wanked to videos of Billie Piper in Secret Diary of A Call Girl

22. Felt sexually attracted to literally every person on the Tube

23. Stopped any sort of shaving or hair grooming

24. Until people thought you'd dyed your hair because it was legit a different colour

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25. Actually texted your mum back

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26. Done a lot of the same things as your engaged friends, but alone

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27. Like ordered the same sized takeaway as them

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28. Re-watched the whole of The OC

29. Clicked on every article showing you before and afters of child celebrities

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30. Got drunk whenever you wanted

31. Went out on a whim without telling anyone

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32. Messaged anyone, at any time on Badoo

33. And met up with them and let them buy you drinks - because paygap

34. Not shared a bed for anything important like sleeping

35. Not given a shit about mortgages, plumbing, good schools or seating arrangements

36. Spent any money you would have spent on a wedding on clothes, wine and weekends to Amsterdam

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37. With your crazy best friend

38. Who's better than any guy you will ever meet

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39. Because the only time she's getting down on one knee 

40. Is when she's re-enacting Dirty Dancing in da club 

41. Oh, and you got that free coffee  

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Because who needs marriage, a house or a car when you've got yourself and you've got Netflix? And if you want to find a fellow companion to do the above with while at the same time ensuring you have date to all of the aforementioned engaged friends' wedding then download Badoo now

Because, fuck it.  

xoxo