The 22 Satisfying Stages of Every One Night Stand

We’ve all been there. You’ve put on some winter weight and are not feeling quite as sexy as you normally would. A few shots down and you are, in the words of Beyonce, ‘Feeling Myself’. You start scanning the bar for the all important, self-validating hook-up. One Night Stands can be the best and the worst but something you will always gain from them is a good story… and maybe Chlamydia.

 

1. Everyone in this bar is gorgeous. The Beer Goggles are doing their job fantastically. In fact, you might offer them a promotion and a pension plan - you never want them to leave you.

 

2. You lock eyes with a hottie across the bar

 

3. You play it cool

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4. You dance, hoping to low key catch his attention

5. You meet and you think this really could be something, ‘he just gets me’

 

6. You kiss passionately on the dance floor in front of all your friends

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7. Because ‘why shouldn’t we flaunt our love!?’

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8. You order the uber on a pretense of going back for just ONE drink - you are a lady after all

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9. But you both know what’s about to go down

 

10. Or WHO will be going down

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11. You pour the final drinks back at the flat, the seal of fate, the dutch courage, this is it

12. You suggest a subtle transition to the bedroom ‘I’ve got this really cool magnetic dart board in my room, wanna see?’

 

13. Things get heated

14. You ask the pivotal question of any One Night Stand, that is not actually a question at all ‘shall we use a condom?’

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15. The actual sex is extremely underwhelming because you don’t know each other at all and don’t know what each other likes

16. But you realise that this is your opportunity to try out that thing you read in Cosmo with no long-term judgement

17. Things get weird

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18. You finally fall asleep in an oddly intimate spoon

19. The Morning After you look at each other perplexed, you thought you went to bed with Hugh Grant but woke up with Michael Cera

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20. You say goodbye with one final but platonic kiss

 

21. You shut the door and feel so empowered that it would put Beyonce to shame

If this is how you plan on spending your winter then power to you!

But if you fancy saving some money on those late night uber surge fares and snuggling up to someone a lil' more long term - we gotchu. Just download Badoo now.  

SRSLY SINGLE 💃India Clare