7 New Breeds Of Fuck Boy To Avoid In 2018

2018. New Year. New me. New fuck Boy. Like caterpillars, Pokemon and Kylie Jenner’s lips, the fuck boy evolves, adapting to its ever-changing social environment.  And, much like gonorrhoea, each new strain of fuck boy gets stronger and harder to rid.

The Roach Fuck Boy:

Cockroach.jpg

The roach is a guy you are beginning to get serious with. You will probably be at the ‘investing in a Netflix series together’ stage. You snuggle down to begin ep one of Narcos, when roach-boy suddenly DMs another girl in front of you. Any direct confrontation about this will be met with a ‘Babe, we never said this wasn’t a casual thing’. As shocking as spotting a cockroach in your hotel room, and when you see one cockroach, you know there will be more hidden somewhere.

The Clumsy Snake Fuck Boy

Snake .jpg

 

We all know a snake; the fuck boy who is seeing other girls on the sly. Snakey. But, by 2018, the snake will start getting lax in covering his snakey ways. You will wake up to an active screenshot of his dating-app profile from a mate. Lazy, clumsy snaking.

The Scott Disick Fuck Boy:

Instagram; letthelordbewithyou

The Scott Disick Fuck Boy (SDFB) is the boy who dumps you for your little sister’s mate. She will be barely out of school, and he will have known her since she was thirteen. Creepy right?

The Spy Fuck Boy:

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The Spy is the fuck boy that disables his whatsapp receipts, meaning your messages to him will seem to be unread. The spy is unlikely to respond any message that won’t result in him getting laid. Me:“Want to come and meet my friends for a drink?” Nothing. Me: “I’m moving house Tuesday, can you help?” Radio silence. Me:  “🍆💦”. Him: “i’ll be over in 10”.

The Micro Influencer Fuck Boy:

Instagram; domlever

Instagram; domlever

The guy who is totally going to make it big on instagram/youtube/twitter this year. Not only will you be expected constantly take photos of him standing next to a tonne of protein powder, but you will find out that he responds to inappropriate DMs from girls, justifying it as ‘communicating with his fans’.

The Footy Fuck Boy:

Instagram; cristiano

Instagram; cristiano

This guy will be a reasonably normal guy to date, even pleasant perhaps. Until it hits June, and more specifically, The World Cup. He will believe that this event will give him licence to be a dick, flaking out on plans to watch two obscure counties you have never even heard of battle it out for 18th place.

 

So, take this valuable knowledge and share it with your friends, your sisters, your colleagues. And remember, getting over a fuck boy takes more than just a strong course of antibiotics, so avoid like the plague!

If you keep ending up with various strains of the 'lads' above, why not try Badoo next time - the biggest dating app in the world so there's gotta be at least one nice guy. Right?

Abbie McMahon