The 16 unromantic stages of every modern day romance
It used to be 'holding hands', 'kissing on the lips', 'fingering in the cinema', 'giving head at a house party' before finally 'sex in parents' bed while they are on holiday in Devon' (just me?). Well anyway, we thought it was time to revamp these soggy stages for the modern world and the new, improved, sophisticated modern couple 💜
1. downloads dating app
2. un-downloads dating app
3. re-downloads dating app on Sunday night
4. has gif conversation spaced over the course of 10 days
5. finally moves the conversation to Whatsapp
6. commences stalking with use of google reverse search thinking you are Nev off Catfish or some sh*t
7. agrees to meet up on a Tuesday so not wasting a weekend day (weds, thurs, fri, sat, sun) on disappointment
8. Gets hideously drunk before, during and after the date
9. regrets life on Wednesday because of many, many things...
10. including the 1 and a half bottles of white wine
11. the b*tching about sharon from work in a pub extremely close to your work
12. the 45 minute monologue about exactly why you are over your ex
13. and waking up in bed with said date minus fresh pants/toothbrush/dignity
14. agrees on second date on the Friday where you are calm, cool and composed...
15. and tell date you never usually act like you did on Tuesday
16. before bringing up the '3 date rule' which involves at least one of the dates being a trip to Paris
They didn't go to Paris. They went for brunch at Le Pain instead and all lived happily ever after. The End.