Your monthly love horoscope for August 2017
Your exclusive monthly insight into the intricate goings on of your intimates. Sex, love, lies, murder, betrayal. It is all here and always completely accurate. Find out what to say and what to do to maximise your love life this month. But, most importantly, find out your exclusive monthly love emoji.
March 21 - April 19
Your emoji of the month = 💪
This month will change your whole entire sex life. You will meet the love of your life around August 21st. This is probably the reason why the second part of the month is going to be confusing AF. Power struggles, arguments, possibly a dominatrix, you need to take control and stay strong. Fight for what you want this month with a huge yellow emoji arm because, trust us, you're going to want it.
Your love song of the month = Kokomo, The Beach Boys
Your chat up line for the month = Are you a middle eastern dictator? Because there’s a political uprising in my pants.
April 20 - May 20
Your emoji of the month = 👣
Stop thinking you can't do stuff. You might feel like you've got too many random things buzzing away inside your brain to get anything done... But, that's not the case. You just need to take off your shoes and go for a walk (-ing emoji). Put out some time for yourself, use it and don't feel guilty because it means you will get sh*t done.
Your love song of the month = M.I.A, Paper Planes
Your chat up line for the month = Do you know your ABC’s? Cause I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet.
May 21 - June 21
Your emoji of the month = 👁️
You are even more unstable than usual this month, 💎-ini. However, after 21st August, you could make a real decision for once in your love life. It might involve having children, starting a business together, or maybe just deciding to finally try role play. Either way, embrace your inner eye emoji and try to focus after the first few rocky weeks of August. Do so and you will reap rewards.
Your love song of the month = Nicest Thing, Kate Nash
Your chat up line for the month = You work at a post office? Cause I saw you checking out my package.
June 22 - July 22
Your emoji of the month = 💊
You need to take an emoji chill pill. You're often slightly crabby but this month the drama drama Johnny drama (usually caused by you ngl) is even more intense than usual. Stop being an instigator and chill the f out. You don't even need to talk things through if you don't want to. Just take a step back, take a pill and chill. Go to Barbados, Bermuda or even Brighton to get back to reality.
Your love song of the month = Kokomo, The Beach Boys
Your chat up line for the month = I'm a love pirate and I'm here for your booty.
July 23 - Aug 22
Your emoji of the month = 😡
You are not a happy bunny. In fact, you are not even a bunny. You are an angry angry emoji face. Take a deep breath, look inside yourself and think about what you can change to make things better not only for you but for the people in your relationships. There have been things lurking deep under the surface of your relationships and you will finally have to face up to them. Don't just tell them to f off - even though that is very tempting, especially on the 7th. It might be you who needs to stop seeking excuses and blaming others for things you have done.
Your love song of the month = Bruno Mars, When I was your man
Your chat up line for the month = F*ck me.
Aug 23 - Sept 22
Your emoji of the month = 🛍️
Ok, Virgo, this month you're going deep - and not in a sexual way. You're going to be feeling a bit all over the place and you need to try not to act on these feelings straight away. Think about your past and dealing with the old emotional emoji baggage you have by the sack-load, particularly after the 12th. Don't look for easy ways to create answers as to why you are feeling like sh*t or why you can't commit to things. Instead, try to just accept your emotions for what they are - part of your journey to chucking out some of those bags.
Your love song of the month = Cee Lo Green, F*ck You
Your chat up line for the month = I'm not emotionally ready for anything more than a sh*g.
Sept 23 - Oct 22
Your emoji of the month = 🚪
Libra, you're facing some pretty big changes this month and you will be opening multiple emoji doors. A break up? A dumping? A new home? A pregnancy? The 7th and 12th are going to be bringing these opportunities for change and by the 15th you're going to be dealing with some heavy sh*t. Don't be scared, Libra. Whatever life throws at you - you can more than deal. Just remember your life values and stick with them, as you always do.
Your love song of the month = Keane, Everybody's Changing
Your chat up line for the month = Hi, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilised?
Oct 23- Nov 21
Your emoji of the month = 💦
Your emoji is sweat droplets because you are gonna need to cool it off this month. You're going to need to put on your bulletproof jacket, Scorpio. Your past is catching up with you and your past is pretty fiery. Sex, drugs, rock and roll - don't excuse or deny your demons and instead embrace them as part of what made you the much more calm person you are today. Be brave, be honest, be covergirl.
Your love song of the month = JET, Look what you've done
Your chat up line for the month = Pick a number between 1 and 10. Sorry you lost, you’ll have to take off all your clothes.
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Your emoji of the month = 🤐
Do you want more, Sagittarius? Then why do you keep pulling away? Your immediate reactions are often quite strong, and it could be wise to think before you speak this month. Perhaps don't zip your emoji face up all the way, but think about the long term rather than the easy short term responses and the love for your partner rather than the love you have for drama and attention. You're a pretty cool person and you should let yourself get past the temporary discomfort of keeping quiet so that other people can see that too.
Your love song of the month = The Black Eyed Peas, Shut up
Your chat up line for the month = You must be Medusa, because you make me rock hard.
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Your emoji of the month = 🗑️
You've got a lot of sh*t that needs to go in a bin. A metaphorical bin. An emoji bin. You are tempted to take on too much this month and it will destroy you if you do. Throw out all the unnecessaries and work on what's important to you. A relationship goal? A work goal? A personal one? Stop trying to change other people and focus on your own stuff. No-one is perfect and you will sh*t yourself if you lose them.
Your love song of the month = Plan B, Charmaine
Your chat up line for the month = Smile, if you want to have sex with me.
Jan 20 - Feb 18
Your emoji of the month = 🎁
Your partner or someone close to you is going through some sh*t this month. It's time to step up and help them out. Listen, even when things get messy. Be giving with your time and your emoji gift boxes. Wrap up your feelings up in a big bow and present them to your other half. You will feel better for it and the intense emotional stuff will actually pull you closer than ever before - as long as you handle it with care.
Your love song of the month = Beyoncé, Listen
Your chat up line for the month = Pizza is my second favourite thing to eat in bed.
Feb 19 - March 20
Your emoji of the month = 😟
Pisces, you are having so much stuff thrown at you this month. From all angles, sh*t has officially hit the fan. But turn that emoji frown upside down because not everything you hear should you believe without investigation. Take the initiative and the adult approach and think things through and look things over thoroughly before jumping to conclusions. Otherwise you will find yourself in a bit of a mess and unable to handle things in a 'nice' way.
Your love song of the month = Taylor Swift, Picture to Burn
Your chat up line for the month = Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
Success rates of chat up lines not guaranteed. Wishing you a Srsly fabulous month, everyone! Full of love, sex and puppies 🐶