Every first date according to Gemma Collins
Most of us will have experienced the intense emotional and physical journey that is the first date. From the first chat up line sent on badoo to that final uber order home (whether it's solo or split 😉) - there's no-one better than the ultimate 'gell' herself, Queen Gemma Collins, Princess of Marbs and Her Royal Highness of all single girls everywhere to show you how it's done. Let the GC guide you through the highs and lows that is every first date...
You start by getting ready at a leisurely pace
Casually discussing beauty regimes with the girls on your group chat
then suddenly realise you have 20 minutes to do your hair, face and find that one pair of jeans that fits
you get to the date venue half an hour late
but still have time to message your group chat about how shit you know this date will be
but you tell your housemate not to wait up - just in case
you walk in to find he has not brought you a drink yet
but at least he managed to get a decent table
he starts telling you about himself, his job, his life
his awakening trip to asia last year
his amazing best man speech last month
and his upcoming plans to buy a house in Clapham
At first you try to impress him
but Then you just give up and start telling him about yourself
about your ex
and about what you're looking for in a man
after the sixth mojito you reach a certain level of drunk
and you suddenly find him irresistibly attractive
you start exchanging your sexual desires
you start getting with him and feel sure you will have the best sex of your life tonight
because you are a ravishing sex goddess
and he is, well, there
but then you decide to get some food on the way back to his
and as the plate of sweet potato fries slowly starts to soak up the rum you realise...
no, you will probably not be having the best sex of your life tonight
no, you probably do not look like a ravishing sex goddess right now
in fact, you are actually quite full
and you have work in the morning
so You make your goodbyes
and you get in an uber home (alone)
happy in the knowledge that you are treating him mean and keeping him keen
even if it was slightly accidental
you don't ever send that text 'letting him know you're ok'
because you know that means he'll text you in the morning
which he does without fail
and you wait a day to reply so you have time to consult with the group chat about whether he is, in fact, the one
or just, well...
Gemma, we love you. And first dates, we love them too. Cause they're a great excuse to get all glam (but not too glam - don't want to waste makeup on a non-bae) and have a few drinks with someone new who might just be the Collins Firth to your Gemma Collins or the D to your GC 💜
If you fancy a first date now, bring your best chat to Badoo by clicking here.