Every first date according to Gemma Collins

Most of us will have experienced the intense emotional and physical journey that is the first date. From the first chat up line sent on badoo to that final uber order home (whether it's solo or split 😉) - there's no-one better than the ultimate 'gell' herself, Queen Gemma Collins, Princess of Marbs and Her Royal Highness of all single girls everywhere to show you how it's done. Let the GC guide you through the highs and lows that is every first date...

 

You start by getting ready at a leisurely pace

Casually discussing beauty regimes with the girls on your group chat

then suddenly realise you have 20 minutes to do your hair, face and find that one pair of jeans that fits

you get to the date venue half an hour late 

but still have time to message your group chat about how shit you know this date will be

but you tell your housemate not to wait up - just in case 

you walk in to find he has not brought you a drink yet

but at least he managed to get a decent table

he starts telling you about himself, his job, his life

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his awakening trip to asia last year

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his amazing best man speech last month

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and his upcoming plans to buy a house in Clapham

At first you try to impress him

but Then you just give up and start telling him about yourself

about your ex

and about what you're looking for in a man

after the sixth mojito you reach a certain level of drunk

and you suddenly find him irresistibly attractive

you start exchanging your sexual desires

you start getting with him and feel sure you will have the best sex of your life tonight

because you are a ravishing sex goddess

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and he is, well, there

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but then you decide to get some food on the way back to his

and as the plate of sweet potato fries slowly starts to soak up the rum you realise...

no

no, you will probably not be having the best sex of your life tonight

no, you probably do not look like a ravishing sex goddess right now

in fact, you are actually quite full

and you have work in the morning 

so You make your goodbyes

and you get in an uber home (alone)

happy in the knowledge that you are treating him mean and keeping him keen 

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even if it was slightly accidental

you don't ever send that text 'letting him know you're ok'

because you know that means he'll text you in the morning

which he does without fail

and you wait a day to reply so you have time to consult with the group chat about whether he is, in fact, the one

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or just, well...

Gemma, we love you. And first dates, we love them too. Cause they're a great excuse to get all glam (but not too glam - don't want to waste makeup on a non-bae) and have a few drinks with someone new who might just be the Collins Firth to your Gemma Collins or the D to your GC 💜

If you fancy a first date now, bring your best chat to Badoo by clicking here

 

 

 

 

 

SRSLY SINGLE 💃Abbie Moujaes