Every Halloween costume girls will ever wear according to their age
In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it. Let us take you through the srsly slutty stages of every girl's Halloween outfits, 'cause if you don't have a pair of slutty cat ears on hand as back up are you even a girl tho?
Age 7-13: 'Bin Liner Witch'
You wear some form of outfit made out of black bin bags and have a witches hat which comes with silver hair attached that in no way looks as though it could be growing from your head
AGE 14: 'You are a goth and every day is Halloween'
You are going through a stage. It is difficult for your parents to deal with
Age 15: 'Anything From Ann Summers'
For some reason Ann Summers allow you and your friends to try on corset after corset until one manages to fit if you wear two bras underneath, you then add some form of animal ears to make it acceptable
Age 16: 'Sexy Cat'
You buy the ears from Primark and wear your black swimming costume 'cause you can't afford a leotard
Age 17: 'Sexy Mouse'
Because you saw Mean Girls and want to tell people you are a mouse, duh
Age 18: 'Sexy Cat'
Because you still have the ears and the outfit looks even sluttier now you are taller
Age 19: 'Keen Fresher'
When you're a first year at uni costumes are everything. But literally everything because you have little else to apply your brainpower to except coming up with the most OTT outfit you can. You never put in this much effort again
Age 20: 'Pop-art'
You are young and experimental and also still have lots and lots of time on your hands
Age 22: 'Ironic Third Year'
You are too old for Halloween and judge the freshers for their keenness, you opt for an understated look that you let everyone know was purchased from Oxfam
Age 23: 'Sexy Cat again'
No job, broke as shit, cat ears come back, snm
Age 24: 'Pyjamas'
You have started your first job and are far too tired to go out on a weekday. You would rather buy many, many sweets for Trick or Treaters and then 'forget' to put a pumpkin out and casually turn off your hall light so you have to eat them all yourself
Age 25: 'wait it was yesterday?'
Halloween comes around too quickly this year and you literally don't even notice it is happening
Age 26: 'Hoe'
You reach a mid-twenties crisis and have an existential moment where you feel the need to take up all available hoe-ing opportunities because you will soon be old and dead. Fuck the animal ears, you are now pure hoe
Age 27: 'Scary AF'
You are done with this slutty bullshit. You and your friends decide to bring the real Halloween back and go out for a real Halloween night out somewhere in Shoreditch where things are real. You turn up and your friends are all sexy cats
Whatever your plans for Halloween this year - whether it's sitting at home with a bowl of Heros not answering the door to anyone apart from your deliveroo man, Nigel, or dressing like a hoe and having an underwhelming snog on the journey home with a less-than-chiselled Legolas, enjoy yourselves! Be safe and sexy #Always #HalloweenHoe xoxo