This is Why Rebounds Might Actually Be Good For You
When it comes to break ups it’s best to be rational; hide photos, write lists, vent constructively — be upset — but always choose socialising over wallowing in your bedroom. Recent studies have found that new singletons struggle with feelings of despair, loneliness and inadequacy. No matter how many friends rally around you, you are statistically likely to feel this way. Enter — the rebound. A relationship that begins shortly after a break up, whilst feelings for an ex still linger and is motivated by a desire to distract oneself from the aforementioned negative emotions. But how healthy can these arrangements really be? Take a look.
1. It’s a sad, sad situation
It’s hard to keep your mind off a break up. You can be the biggest “yes man” the world’s ever seen, but there’s still going to be moments when you’re alone and start thinking. Psychologists have found that entering into a new relationship can be a healthy distraction from these painful feelings. The “honeymoon” period can override the sadness associated with your break up. Think of it like painting over some ugly wallpaper. It’s a quick fix, but who knows, you could really grow to like Magnolia White?
2. Inadequacy issues
Many people feel less desirable post-break up. Whilst you are momentarily fired up by your friends insistence that you’re a “babe” who “can do so much better.” This high is temporary, bursting — then fizzling, like short lived firework display. For a lasting ego boost, you need someone to make you FEEL like you’re a babe, not just say you’re one. Research shows that people who entered into rebound relationships exhibited higher levels of self-confidence vs. people who didn’t.
3. Get lost
Cutting off an ex is a fail-safe method for post-break up recovery. It can be hard to do, especially if they are keen to stay “friends”, but reduced exposure equals closure. A rebound initiates a natural distance; out of respect you can’t be calling your ex the whole time. As a result of this, rebounders were less likely to be in contact with previous partners and even reported less residual feelings towards them.
A big problem with replacing a familiar relationship with a new one? Anxiety. There’s waiting for texts, awkward sex, jokes they don’t get… It’s a minefield of firsts and this can be stressful for someone post-break up. Unfortunately, rebounders reported higher levels of anxiety than those who remained single. Definitely something to consider if you struggle with this already.
5. They better be better
Finally is the issue of comparison. If you’re lying, post-coital, and thinking about your ex — chances are they was better in bed. Studies show that comparisons are the biggest killer of a successful rebound. If your new squeeze fails to measure up to your old one, this will cause you to miss your ex-partner more. On the other hand, meet someone “better” and you will be riding a wave of self-confident, no regrets, desirability. The risk is yours to take!
So don’t rule out a rebound. If someone comes along and you think you can handle it — don’t adhere to a timescale. Just be considerate and go for the guy you met on Badoo — not the friend whose liked you for years. A rebound should never be at someone else’s expense, so be honest and you never know! It might lead to something better than you had before.