31 Things Every Single Girl In Her 20's Needs To Know About Valentine's Day

You've just about made it through Tryanuary, you've booked a holiday to Ibiza to look forward to (furiously exercise for) and you've got a fresh head of highlights courtesy of the January sales. You are on top of your game. But then suddenly you see red. Red cards, red hearts, red bows, red outfits on red teddy bears holding red balloons. Ffs. It's fucking Valentine's Day. Being single in your 20's you might start feeling down about yourself as the doomsday of all singletons approaches. When everywhere around you (and by that I mean on your Insta feed) you see couples on 'date night with this one' it can all get a bit overwhelming. Fuck that, here's a few things you should know:

1. People in relationships gain an average of 5 to 10 lbs. 


2. And lose around £50-£200 every Valentine's Day out of a feeling of duty/wanting to avoid a fight.

3. Most of the presents couples get are edible and therefore once eaten you have just been given green plastic stems that once held chocolate roses. Which is shit.


4. And Valentine's Day is really just the day before '75% clearance chocolate day' anyway.

5. Single people have funnier V-day memes to relate to. 

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6. And you don't have to be sad about being alone on Valentine's Day if you remember you're alone on all other days too. 


7. You're never alone on Valentine's if you're near a pond and you have bread*.

 *don't actually feed bread to ducks, this can harm ducks

*don't actually feed bread to ducks, this can harm ducks

8. Or an iPhone with Badoo on it. 


9. People who ask what you're doing on Valentine's Day even though they know you're single will not be getting a 'Happy birthday x' on their fb newsfeed this year. 

10. You are probably having more sex than people in relationships. Even if by sex you mean a vibrator and watching Youtube videos of Billy from Stranger Things.


11. And you could actually get with Billy from Stranger Things if you wanted to/he showed some sort of interest. 

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12. Couples don't even kiss during sex, they just compare boob hairs.

13. Whereas you make it your goal to find out the fettish of every single guy you get with. 

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14. You have basically earnt a degree in psychology judging by your ability to decipher the dating bios of various guys.

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15. And violets aren't even blue. 

16. You can use toast as a vessel for butter and no-one will judge you.

17. As well as carrot sticks as cargo ships for hummus. 

18. Everyone in LTRs wishes they'd appreciated being single more. 

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19. And taken up every single convo with guys that messaged them on Badoo. 

20. If you're single on Valentine's it means you're allowed to have two dinners. 

21. And if it's from Subway that's 6 inches that definitely won't disappoint you. 

22. You are worth so much more than what your 'bae' bought you on a certain 'dae'. 

23. And you know exactly what to get yourself instead. 

24. But you still make a massive effort before a first date.

25. Unlike many couples who wear trackies when they go to their favourite spot (deliveroo). 

26. Because you get excited by the prospect of the person you might meet, because it could be someone you get on with really well - as a friend or fuckbuddy.  

27. And who cares that you haven't met them in time for this specific commercialised holiday. 

28. Which isn't even good like 'Steak and blow Job' day. Like srsly where tf is 'Steak and going down on ME day'?

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29. You know you are an absolute fucking dream and anyone would be lucky to have you. 

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30. Just, for now, that person is your best friend/mum/sibling/dog. 

31. And that's just fine. 

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Never feel guilty about being single, girls. Live your best life, whether that's going for drinks with your friends or staying in with said friend/mum/sibling and watching re-runs of One Tree Hill (minus season 9). And if you do ever want to find someone, do it on your own terms. Don't feel pressured to settle for a specific time or date but browse Badoo at your leisure for a V-day bae (and by V-day I mean vagina day, which is every day.)




Feature Image: Hulu/The Mindy Project