59 Thoughts You Have Trying To Date Post-25
Post-25 should also be known as post-apocalyptic. Especially when it comes to dating. It's that awkward time in your life where half your friends are getting married and the other half are too drunk to know what day of the week it is. And most of the time you're caught somewhere between the two, with your daring life reflecting this. Are you ready to settle down? Are you willing to lower your standards to match the pool of sad thirty-something men that are left? Are you prepared for mediocre sex and receding hairlines? NO WE ARE NOT! But the truth of the matter is...we are going to have to be sometime soon. So with that depressing thought at the forefront of our minds, here are some of our thoughts:
1. Alrighty then, here we go again!
2. FEELING POSITIVEEEE.
3. Badoo date number 113. Of the year.
4. *To myself in the mirror* “This one will not be a psycho. You will finally find someone normal. You can have a successful relationship. You do not need to get cats.”
5. Probably should stop saying ‘alrighty then’ first off, though…
6. God, when did I turn into my mother?
7. I’ll be saying ‘nice young chap’ before I know it.
8. 30 is around the corner...
9. Might as well call in my pension now.
10. The lack of sex in my life is already reminiscent of an aged spinster.
11. But this will be the ONE!
12. I will NOT be single in my 30s.
13. How low are my standards now?...post-25 you do start to get less picky.
14. The one-eyed vicar was a push.
15. But loud chewing? ‘Mom’ jokes? Yep, they’ll have to be acceptable now.
16. I can’t go to another wedding alone. It’s like 27 dresses over here.
17. Ok, 'Keith, 28'. Let’s see how you are.
18. Receding hairline. Interesting.
19. Oh no, please don’t bring up Brexit.
20. Keith, please. NO!
21. Man, there’s always something wrong with men who are still single at this age.
22. Why is it that because we decided to be ‘free spirits’ in our early 20s (well, that’s what we tell ourselves at least…) that we get stuck with all the weirdos at the end? The dregs.
23. There’s a REASON why they’re still single.
24. Oh wait. I’m single too.
25. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?
26. Probably that I say ‘alrighty then’…
27. Great. Now he’s talking about bitcoin.
28. Zzzzzzzz. He didn't put that on his Badoo profile.
29. I miss dating in my early twenties.
30. It was all about drinking.
31. Now it’s all ‘economy’ and ‘bitcoin’.
32. WHAT THE FUCK IS BITCOIN.
33. Try to concentrate. You aren’t getting any younger. Beggars can’t be choosers.
34. Remember, what matters is not sexual chemistry.
35. It’s pension plans, stability and whether or not they can cook sourdough bread.
36. These are the important things in life. In a potential life partner.
37. WHICH IS WHAT I MUST FIND.
38. Or must I?
39. Just because I’m over 25 does not mean I need to find a partner.
40. In fact, I don’t need to find one at all.
41. This is the age of the feminist.
42. The lone wolf.
43. The FREE SPIRIT.
44. *Tick tick tick tick*
45. Oh god, I can actually hear my biological clock ticking.
46. Well, at least it’s drowning out Kieth.
47. What’s he on about now?
48. Oh, still bitcoin. Shock.
49. I wonder what he’d be like as a husband.
50. Can I imagine it? Walking down the aisle…him at the end….
51. JESUS CHRIST NO. I’m not ready for marriage.
52. ESPECIALLY not with Keith.
53. Ok, make your excuses.
54. Cat needs feeding? Too obvious.
55. Friend has text with an emergency? That old chesnut.
56. You know what, fuck it. Just get up and leave.
57. I’m too old and tired for manners. And…
58. Why is catatonic Keith looking at me like that?
Morals of the story are: don't say your thoughts out loud; don't date guys called Kieth; and definitely DO download Badoo - the world's best dating app to save yourself situations like these. Srsly, do it right now.